Today I was reminded of Steel Magnolias, of the group of fiery-spirited southern friends who laugh and cry together.
This group of friends is repeated all over the world. I have one. I can only hope that you have one, too. Life is nothing without them, these people we can call on when our hair dye job goes bad, we've run out of gas, got a new job, lost a job, lost ten pounds, or gained five.
They are always there for us, and we for them. They aren't "fair weather," friends, they're "all the time," friends. Good or bad, they're by our side.
I was sitting with such a friend when a bad call came in. We all know what it's like to get bad calls. One of the constants in life is that bad calls will come. They seep in unexpectedly, while we're having coffee, updating our Facebook status, toiling about in our daily job, or crawling around in the blogosphere.
I watched my friend's face change, saw her body tremble, as she tried to absorb the news that a friend had died. I hurt for her at that moment, and I hurt still. I also feel pain for the family.
It's called empathy, and the more I travel throughout this great, big world, the more I find that very few of us have this. It's an ability to put ourselves in someone else's position, walk a mile in their Jimmy Choos, as I've often said, or feel what they're feeling.
There isn't any way to make this funny, so I won't even try. The burden of living always falls to the survivors, those left behind when the hands of fate reach down and snatch someone away unexpectedly.
We cry, and mourn, and sometimes we throw things. At least I do. I threw a lot of things while my dad was ill some years back. The upside was I never really had anything that nice, so I never missed the things I threw. I throw pretty hard. Most of that crap is broken and long gone.
I digress.
Getting back to empathy.
If you look around you, a lot of what you'll see is blank faces, blank expressions, blank stares. I'm not blank.
If you know me, you know I'm one colorful gal. If I were younger, and had better knees, I'd be on Glee. I accept this as gospel. If there's ever a Glee for older gals, with canes, reading glasses, Metamucil & Ben Gay, I'm gonna be on it.
So, what does this have to do with empathy, you ask?
A lot.
It's about feeling. The only way to truly embrace the joys in life, is to let the bad things in, too. Allow yourself to feel for someone else. Share in their joys, their losses, their good days, and their bad.
I'm sitting in a coffee shop right now. It's quiet because it's closed. I'm still here because the owner is in my Steel Magnolias club. She's my buddy, my friend, a confidant, and a small miracle. I thank God every day for the clusterf*$k of events that led me to her doorstep last year.
I'm watching the cars pass by, the people busy with their evening tasks. In some ways, I'm amazed. My friend is hurting because someone she cared about has died. Despite this, the traffic still moves, people bustle, voices carry from next door, and a gentle wind lifts the American flag and sets it back down again.
Life doesn't stop, not even for a moment. We enter the world and leave it in the same way, while everything else just happens around us.
Life is fleeting, this is one of the lessons I've learned. We're here one moment, and the next, we're gone. If we're lucky, someone will remember us, we'll leave a stamp on this life, a mark on someone's heart.
Personally, I want to stay a long time, at least until I get my truck cleaned out. I cannot imagine leaving someone to clean up that mess. But, we don't know. We never know what moment might be our last. I suppose it's best if we make them count.
I want to be missed, and I know that seems macabre. I want people to miss me, because I want to make an impact on this world. I want people to be better for knowing me. I want to make them smile, and laugh, and I'd really like them to care more. I care a lot. I'm trying to make that cool. It's cool to care.
We need to care about others, the world in which we live, and our environment.
Speaking of which, I'd also like people to put their gum someplace other than the parking lot at work. I'm quite sick of stepping in it.
Looking back at this blog, I see it's rather "all over the place," as the saying goes, and I suppose this is okay. There are times when our minds are scattered, as mine is right now. I guess it's the empathy, and the fact that my mind is heavy with the weight of empathy, and my heart a bit broken at the sight of a friend's tears.
I know you'll forgive me my ramblings. The things you adore about me don't come in a perfect person. They come in this one.
I'm okay with being flawed. It is in the flaws where we find the beauty of life. It is beautiful, if only we'd take the time to look.
I just did.
There's a man on a bike, a woman walking off her cheesecake, a dog.... um, a dog doing his business. Wow, at least once a day I see a dog doing his business. What is up with that?
Anyhow......
I suppose it's time I close this laptop and get out there and embrace life, because one day the "call" will be about me.
But life is about what we do before the phone rings.........
